the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Drunk is not a location!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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