peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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