why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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