I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
