Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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