I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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