Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
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How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
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Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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