I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
