We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
