she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
