I want to walk on stilts...naked
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
