i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
