I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's never too late to be topless.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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