WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
