My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
