i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
