jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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