do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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