Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
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