if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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