I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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