Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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