i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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