All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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