does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
