Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
