Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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