Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
