she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
