i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
