I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
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My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
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Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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