Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize