It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
