someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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