I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
3 2 1 whiskey
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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