I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
