I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
