I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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