Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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