Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if only i could text you this smell
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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