Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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