my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
