she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
