He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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