He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
