3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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