Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
