My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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