After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
smell my finger.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
