I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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