i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
