Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
