you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
