I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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