He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
