I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
