i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
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I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
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Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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