he told me I talked like a deaf person
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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