Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
