You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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