Everything about him screamed your future.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
