Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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