She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
