Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN