i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??