I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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