Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.