what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
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dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
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I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever