i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
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You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
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I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.